Nov 26, 2015 - This date...A painful reminder I have an empty chair

BRADLEY, I think of you every minute of every day. I cannot begin to express how much you are missed, it leaves me speechless and lost at times.  

I have experienced true joy and I have experienced true sorrow. I am experienced in the unimaginable. 

November 26th, this date is set forever as a date of true sorrowfulness. It’s a “date” forever etched in our hearts and minds as painful beyond belief.  This “date” is when all of us lost you.

This “date” an absolute stranger named John Pratt entered our lives as he took yours. He killed three young men, a big brother, a little brother and a middle brother.   

He is solely responsible for your fate, my fate. Only he has that “cross to bear.”   

The grief never really ever lets up.  I just breathe in between.   Anniversaries, holidays, birthdays, certain days are especially hard but the tears and sadness are really no different than every other day of the year.

Mostly these “dates” are just painful reminders, and no one needs reminders we have that “empty chair”.

No one can stop this date, this awful reminder from creeping in. The heartache remains unchagned, intense, deep and profound.

Unfathomable grief can arrive at any given moment usually without warning. The tears are always there, just behind my eyes. It hurts.  “

Time” has a way of moving forward but “healing” is truly a difficult undertaking.  Coexisting with the heartache is the daily task.   It’s a hurdle that still seems impossible to get over.

I put on this mask everyday for the world to see. To get by I have to. Over time I have come to accept this and I know no explanation is needed.

Even so I do strongly suspect that will never change. all the time that passes by will never change how the heart feels, the constant ache. It jabs, it dulls, I bleed on the inside. 

BRADLEY, it feels like just a brief moment ago and yet at the same time it seems like a lifetime ago since I saw you last, hugged you and told you how much I love you. What would you be doing? Where in life would you be?  

I dream it everyday Brad, I think about it all the time, I envision “you’ll just walk in that door”, “Hey mom” “I can hear your voice.”  What I wouldn’t do just to see you again, just one more time.

Brad. shine your "light" on your sister, keep her safe and happy. Please keep all of us in your safe hands, under your angel wings. All your family and friends, we all just miss you so very much.

STAY GOLDEN BRADLEY.

I love you,

~mom~

Please see: The Stone – Author Unknown


 

Last updated on: 2015-11-23 | Link to this post